Blackseraphine

I understand that when she pointed where she wants him to go without uttering a word, and he did it, it was part of the fun of the whole thing. I understand that a lot of things are said in jest, said like a joke. To liven things up. To be funny. To entertain.

I know what other people say. That's part of how things are, I get it.

More than what people say, more than what she does, what hurts the most is what he does. Seeing how important she is to him that he can't even say no. That a single word from her makes him comply. 

I was happy to post Totoro. To remind myself of the things that have happened, the things he did, the things he does. To remind myself that everything, everything, is real. And the love I know is there.

But it's been hard to accept that I am at the bottom rung of importance. I pleaded, I begged, I waited...

I'm just struggling to accept that I have very little importance.