Blackseraphine

I said I wanted to start again. But I didn't know where to start.  I started this year with plenty of anxiety, while being beset with memories of the past year. For those months, I had to deal with anger, pain, and loss.

For the rest of the year, I didn't know what to do with myself.

The time that I had in those first few months left it's mark on me. Something happened, so deeply personal, that it was almost as if I was being told, "Go live your life."

For the rest of the year, it was like a door was closing on a chapter of my life. I felt odd at times, on edge, but I couldn't make any significant change. Nothing changed magically. Nothing drastically transformed. With me. I tried and I was immensely disappointed. 

Still, I couldn't help but feel think of how things happened.

In late 2018, I had this thought, "After seven years I'd step back out." Last year was the seventh year.

And something has changed recently. 

It wasn't something completely new. It's something that grew quietly and steadily. Something beautiful that unexpectedly grew.

It's a good time to mark the beginning of something new. Not a chapter, but rather something that feels unconstrained, vast, and hopeful.

Start again.