Blackseraphine

You know what? I actually liked her.

Nung una ko siyang makita gustong gusto ko siya. I liked looking at her bright, happy face siguro kasi hindi ako ganun. At that time, gusto kong napapanood yung mga masayang tao. Binida ko pa nga siya sa kapatid ko, tuwang-tuwa ako tapos ayaw ni ate. Hahaha!

Kaya siya yung una kong sinearch. Sa kanya talaga ako unang interesado, even more than the boys. 

Tapos yung mga posts na nakita ko... may chismis sa ex niya. Sabi ko, e ano naman, tapos na e. Tapos sumunod naman yung picture na pinost niya, first picture pa. Dineny naman na may malisya. Sabi ko naman, e baka natuwa lang kasi siyempre sobrang sikat na ng tandem nila e. Baka nga minasama lang nga mga tao. Pero yung ibang posts...sabi ko, bakit ganun? 

Yung isa sabi kung papipiliin siya dun sa mga lalaking nakatrabaho nya para irecommend sa friend niya sinong pipiliin niya? Hindi niya pinili nya yung isa. Sabi pa yun yung 'real deal'. Napaisip ako. Bakit hindi mo irecommend yung dati mong katandem? I mean, obvious naman na siya yung best sa pagpipilian sa prospective relationships. Bigla kong naalala yung mga schoolmates ko. Yung sa mean girls ng high school, yung di nila ibibigay yung best candidate sa friends nila. Ganun yung sumagi sa isip ko.

Tapos second post, galing daw Sports Chosun.

Sabi nya she's not a pro in dating because she's never confessed. Ehh? That's such a weird thing to say. Nakita ko yung ilang comments na supposedly galing sa original article sabi ng isa 'ang ibig sabihin nga nun pro ka sa dating kasi nga napaconfess mo yung iba' sabi pa ng isa 'humblebrag'. 

Napaisip ako dun. Kasi parang, kinatutuwa mo yon? It kinda left a bad taste in my mouth and I told myself I'll stop looking things up so I won't get a bad impression. I didn't want my perception of her to change.

Then I saw the video.

Oh. Okay... The thing is nobody said anything ever about the video. Is like, am I the only one who noticed? Probably. Because she played it off like she's falling. In my country where the commute is harrowing and falling is a common sight, that's not how a person falls. Because when they have virtually nothing to sit on, the entire concentration goes on trying to stay upright and then people try to catch themselves when they fall. She 'fell' and the first thing she does is rub his arm then look at him.

A...hah.. Yeah, I saw that.

Akala ko over the years she's moved on. But no, seeing what I saw, she's still trying. And I have never seen anyone both so coy and so aggressive at the same time.

The wearing of clothes...that's a pretty common thing. Done by girlfriends. And it made me think, is that what she's trying to do? Trying to signal that she's 'girlfriend'? And I also heard that she wore somebody else's jacket recently. Mabaliw baliw tagasunod nya kakahanap kung kanino yung jacket. See, even other girls know the borrowing of clothes 'mean' something.

I know at times it's casual. Hindi naman ako OA para pagbintangan lahat. Gaya nung nanghiram ng glasses si sister mula sa hari. Casual lang. Mukhang walang malisya. 

And sometimes it does seem na yung actions nya rin walang malisya. Or is it? Because there's so many things. If it's one thing, I would dismiss it. Maybe even two. Or three. But multiple things all at once? First ep palang nakita ko na antics nya. Girlllll.... Kaya nga sabi ko aggressive e. Tingnan mo si sister, hindi ganyan. Sweet din naman si sister pero maay clear distance at boundaries kahit close and casual din. 

It's like there's an intentional creation of connections. It's a series of suggestions, like creating hooks in ones mind. 

Is it normal to flirt? Yeah. Do people flirt with multiple people at the same time? Also yeah. It's normal for people to have more than one "prospect" when they're single. It's like gambling. People place their bets on multiple slots hoping that one would succeed. But again, the difference is that most people flirt front and center. Even if you don't see them approach, you can remember the time when they did. Their flirting, in that sense, is direct, front and center. She flirts sideways. Where there's so much plausible deniability that can be made, yet she can establish a place in the other person's mind. The other person might not even know how it happened afterwards. I have never seen anything like it before. 

Like a said, it's a series of suggestions. Even yung suggestion ng travel. Is it a good idea? Yeah! I liked the idea too! Sobra! I commend her for that. But I was weirded out by the reasoning: gusto nya makita ng iba yung chemistry. Naging suspicious ako. Kasi baka mamaya mali ako at culturally normal para sa kanila na sabihin to. But at the same time, I remembered the wedding picture posted. The wearing of clothes. It's not just a suggestion to the other person but a suggestion to other people 'See? We look good together.' She wants to be seen as 'girlfriend'. And that's also a way of persuading the other person, by making others see it and acknowledge it. It's like, so and so thought we look good together, that's funny but don't you agree?

And I don't know if others notice it. Pero nakita ko na nung naglalagay ng pagkain si Girlll, si hari naglagay din. Does he know? Does he notice it? Parang mas sensitive si Hari sa mga ganitong bagay.  I mean, di rin naman ako sigurado. Kasi culturally uso sa kanina nagpapakain ng ibang tao di ba? Pero yan on top of everything else... the way she asked permission to eat, the clothes, the exchanging of food, the rushing outside to feed food, telling him to come for suncreen (you could have handed him the bottle), the food on his hand, rushing towards him nung nanalo sya (were you expecting you'd get a hug). There's so much there all at once.

Bottomline is: she's trying to make him confess.

That's it. Because she could have flirted upfront liek most people, tell him she likes him or whatever but that's not what she wants. She wants that feeling of being special, that power, that comes from being confessed to. And that is supported by her own revelation that she wants to be babied, and the weird way of saying she isn't a pro at dating because she never confessed.

That's why she goes through the extra effort and that's why it's so aggressive. Because the agenda is to be obvious enough not to be doubted that she's open to receive love, but discreet enough that she can deny she's sending signals so you'd have to be the person to bring it up. 

Those early posts finally made sense. They fit a puzzle, and I can see the pattern.