Blackseraphine

Did I do the right thing?

I know I did. That's why I said it rather than writing about it here. But suddenly I'm feeling a bit strange about it than I did earlier. I'm suddenly worried. I don't know what he thinks.

I didn't feel relief when I said it. There is no relief to be made in talking about something I carried by myself for so many years. I told no one, explained myself to no one, because frankly I felt no one wanted to listen. I had tried it before, but I always faltered. I know, to everyone else, I was just making excuses. This is the first time I told anyone about this to this extent.

I had planned to say it when I'm in a better place. After I've made changes. So I can at least face him without feeling too embarrassed with myself. Hold my head a bit higher.

But I could barely make a change. I'm fighting myself, fighting my mind, sabotaging whatever little progress I make to protect myself.