When he was gone for two months, I didn't know why. I could tell he was mad about something but I wasn't sure what. The way he made sure that I knew he was there and then leave. The way sometimes he'd stay and I thought everything was fine again but then he'd give the cold shoulder again the next day, purposefully leaving when I come see him..it was like that for two months.
I felt like I was being punished for something I did that I'm not even aware of.
When he finally came back, I didn't know why. I was cautious, I wasn't sure if he was truly back and everyday for a couple of weeks I wondered if he'd disappear again the next day.
When I was sure he was really back, I was just happy. I was thankful. But I still didn't know what happened or why.
I know it's useless to ask; I won't get an answer. At the time I thought, it was fine. The important thing is he came back.
But from time to time I remember it and wonder why. What did I do? What did I do to warrant that? And what made him forgive me?
And sometimes... just a couple of times... it crosses my mind, 'Was it really okay?'
'Am I okay? Is it okay that I experienced that?'
And I'm crying right now.
It's surprising. I didn't realize until now how much that actually hurt me.
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