What I think now...
I should move my life. Make a change. Make it so that I can make decisions for myself. Without needing anything from anyone.
Then on my birthday, I should disappear.
Some lessons, even when forgiven, cannot be forgotten. And I had been so stubborn refusing to learn my lesson. That I should expect nothing. Want nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't desire flowers. I didn't desire gifts. I just wanted to be remembered. And I even failed at that.
Want absolutely nothing. So I'll stop hating myself everytime I get disappointed.
Want absolutely nothing. And in order to do that, I would have to disappear.
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