A couple of weeks ago I read a message that I thought was incredible, that I even thought was impossible, or that I was misunderstanding it.
Maybe.But on top of that was the distress that I felt.
At first it felt like numbness, that made me think that maybe I felt indifferent to the messenger. Then I just wanted to ignore it, to run away from it. Thank heavens that I have read about fearful avoidance so I could recognize my reactions.
I realized that all of this strange feelings was just my fears.
I felt like I didn't deserve this, I'm not worthy to deserve this.
I look like a fucking potato.
The truth is I don't want to lose this. The fear overwhelmed my happiness. I had a hard time feeling happy because I was just really scared to lose this.
If I could just hold that message and those feelings and keep it forever...
I gotta work harder to not look like a fucking potato.