A massive reality check. 

Now I don't know where I stand or what to do.

Do I talk the same way? Say the same things?

Because it seems things aren't how I thought they were.

I had stupidly dreamed of spending my next birthday with you. But it's day without any significance for you.

I know I can't expect a greeting.

But a little sign at least? 

Posted a story and completely forgot about me.

Thinking back, I had so much stress thinking about the future. The things I worried about...

Well, I guess I don't have to stress so much about thinking about if I could ever go and meet. I cried so much about that.  Now I'm thinking at least I haven't renewed my passport yet. No rush. :(

 It seems I got everything wrong. Walls back up.

I had originally planned to spend the day chatting, intermittently. I had looked forward to it for days.

But a wave of disappointment came over me.

Was I forgotten? Again?

...

If I stop wanting, if I stop caring, then things would be easier.

Some days the heart feels like a ball, bouncing against the walls, high up into the sky, falling hard back to the ground, then bounced around once more.