Blackseraphine

 I don't know what he's thinking. What his thoughts are.

I can only work with my own thoughts. Figure out my life.

So I'm going to focus on that. Calm down and focus on that.

Sometimes I think if circumstances were different it would have been easier. If I had been a different person. A better person. Then it would have been easier.

I had thought of it a couple of times before: Why didn't I just meet someone like him here? But I haven't even known anyone with that mix that I like– open to talk about emotions, in touch with his emotions, but not overly emotional to the point of using emotions for sympathy or using it as a shield, a penchant for stories and pretty words, but not really pedantic because I don't need a thesis or a dissertation. A person who also likes what is abstract, but with the balance to not be obsessed with it. That's what I wanted!

And maybe I was wrong in life because these are things that you could only know if you spent enough time with people. And I didn't. Even the class pervert, I didn't know he liked Gundam until years after we graduated! And honestly, it all made sense after finding that out. The few people in that school who kinda liked me also liked anime for some reason. I don't even look Japanese!

Even his hobbies and his interests... I had previously thought we had no other interests in common because I wasn't exactly a fan of his biggest hobbies. But now I keep getting surprised! He has interests that somewhat align with mine!

Why couldn't I have met someone like him here??? 

There are millions of people in this country! Why couldn't I have met someone like him here???

It's not even about his face either because sometimes his face still doesn't register in my mind. I can probably recognize Jang Wonyoung 99.9% better than him!

My thoughts are spinning. I need to clear my head.