Did I ruin everything? Throw everything away in a moment? Lost something precious?
This is probably some karma. Some type of punishment.
Because I was struggling to change and felt some relief when the new year came in. Karma because I had the audacity to think that I was spending a huge part of my day thinking about him, what to tell him, what to show him. So he's being taken away from me.
I had been so good all this time, done so well to keep it together, hold the negative thoughts at bay.
My singular thought at the time was simple: I wanted to take care of his heart.
So I tried to keep the negativity in mine from touching him.
But it kept getting harder and harder as things progressed. Reality gets harder to ignore. How can you be good enough for someone surrounded by too many special people?
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