The JLPT N5 Experience - The Epic Fail

I did something yesterday I probably shouldn't tell anyone I did, in the same way that a child who broke a glass knows to slip away quietly before he's found out.

I took the JLPT.

In a way this is embarrassing for me.  Like, how can a person flunk the easiest JLPT level?  Sheer talent, lol.
In a quick google search, what I found were positive reactions to the experience, mostly underscoring how ridiculously easy it was.

Could've been.  Maybe.  I wouldn't know.  I didn't study for it.  I went over my notes and a few days before the test but obviously that wasn't enough.  Especially since in between that time I had close to nil exposure or practice.

In the time that I passed my application form I already knew I wasn't going to be able to study for it.  (It was one of those days... )  But I did it anyway because I felt I needed something to somehow keep me going.  I was afraid I'd give up on the language entirely.

I wasn't able to take my the practice tests because they ran out of slots so the actual exam was my very first introduction to the JLPT.  This was my practice test.  Awesome.

Where I took the test

The test was held at De La Salle University.  This was my first time to set foot in this campus.  (Ugh, I should have brought a camera.)  The line to get inside was ridiculously long.  The examinees were separated by levels, then divided into several rooms.  As I was walking towards the building we were supposed to be in I heard somebody say, "Lasallista na ako!"  Hahaha!  I recalled a similar reaction with an old schoolmate.  He told me he and a few others were told that they couldn't take a summer class for a certain subject in our school, but that they could take the same subject in Ateneo.

There was probably at least a thousand of us from all levels.  We weren't allowed inside the building until 12:30pm so everybody just waited outside.  There were books and notes everywhere.  One girl was standing with an open laptop in her arms.  Me?  Peg of the day:  Come as you are.  Hahaha!  I had no notes, reviewers, nada.  It's a testament to how I feel about the whole thing.

I saw somebody there from my Japanese class.  She said she hadn't studied either.  But she could already converse in Japanese so she'll probably ace the listening part of the test.

We got into the building and into our assigned rooms.  We were seated by registration number.  I found myself right in front of the proctor.  A little briefing, a little chit chat.  A lot of the examinees came from JSAT.  I have never heard of JSAT before this but from what I heard from their conversation, I assumed that they were prepped for this.

The test experience- where it all begins to crumble

We were given a set of three pages of answer sheets.  When I got mine I was a little confused thinking, 'Is this a practice answer sheet?' I had taken tests before with answer sheets that were nearly filled to the brim with those numbered circles.  This one looked like a rectangular box divided into sections of rows of circles.  It looked less than a fourth of the page!

The test answer sheets and test papers were in separate string-tie envelopes that were taped at the flap.  The first part of the test was Vocabulary.  Disaster.  Kanji was among the last lessons we had and I didn't really have a grasp on it.  I still don't.  So I am familiar with only 30 Kanji, ten of which are numbers.  Lol!  I think we were supposed to know about a hundred?  Yep, that didn't go so well.

Since I lacked practice, my reading skills and comprehension dropped.  And I'm a beginner, so that's terrible news.  At one point the proctor says, "Last five minutes." I look at my answer sheet and I realized I wasn't even at the last section of the test!  And before I could stop myself I blurted out, "Ang bagal ko!" Ffff.

There was a 30-minute gap right from the end of the first test to the start of the second test and another one at the end of the second test to the start of the third test.  The proctor packed the answer sheets and questionnaires back into their envelopes, wrote something on the envelopes, then took them out of the room.  Everything seemed very strict and systematic that it oddly felt like an election or something.  When she came back she had another string-tie envelope with a taped flap containing the questionnaires for the second test, Reading.

Going faster downhill

I thought my biggest hurdle would be the Listening part.  In one listening test in our language class I could barely follow what number we were in.  In one dialogue all I got were "refrigerator" and "shelf".  Wth am I supposed to do with that?  Afterwards, my classmates were discussing it and apparently there were food and drinks in a shelf in the refrigerator and you're supposed to answer what shelf it was on.  I didn't even get that far!

Back to Reading.  As I was saying, I thought my biggest hurdle was listening, but I was way, waay off.  In the Reading part, I couldn't even get past the instructions!  There was this section with that had sentences with four blanks and a star sitting on one of them.  I couldn't figure out what to do with it.  I couldn't even calm down long enough to actually understand the instructions because I was pressed for time and already reading everything at a grandmotherly pace.

Same drill after the test: questionnaires and answer sheets are packed and taken.  When the proctor came back she had a radio for the Listening test.  I think the cassette tape was also in an envelope.  The cassette tape itself was even wrapped in plastic!  Wow.  Who makes these things?

Anyway, I was bracing myself for the test when a girl asks, "Can we use a scratch paper?"  WTF?  What do we need a scratch paper for??  What? Are we doing computations? What?

Full-blown silent panic.

Then we start.  And surprise, surprise- I can somewhat follow what's going on!  I'm still missing words so my answers are questionable but it was definitely better than what I had expected.  Hell, I was just happy I was able to follow what number we were on!

I still don't know exactly why they need the scratch for. To write down what they hear?  I'll find out someday.

And that was it.  My very first JLPT experience.

Obviously, I'm not proud of what I did but in a way I was a bit glad I did it.  I don't think I'd be giving it up after all.

The test is divided into three sections:  Vocabulary, Reading and Listening.  There is a 30-minute gap in between tests.  I don't remember the exact numbers but there is probably no more than 50 questions per section.  In Vocabulary, part of the test alternates between Hiragana and Kanji: the word is in Kanji and you're supposed to find the Hiragana of that word, or the word is in Hiragana and you're supposed to find the Kanji.  The questions are carefully constructed so that the differences in possible answers are small and you can't simply guess the right answers.  In Reading, the sentences aren't that simple.  There are combinations of sentence patterns.  Knowing how to transform verbs is not enough; understanding transformed verbs at a glance is essential.  You won't have time to transform them.  In Listening, you must be able to follow the whole scenario.  Again, the differences in the answers are small and if you miss some words you might choose the wrong answer.  For example (this is not a question from the test, just to illustrate what I'm saying) Three people walked in the bar.  Two men and a woman.  Then two people walked into the bar.  A man and a woman.  How many men walked into the bar? 1) five 2) two 3) three 4) four

Walking Through Binondo, Manila

5/29/12 6:50AM

I was supposed to buy something from Binondo so I took a little side trip.

First stop is this building. It's not in Binondo but I wanted a picture of this building I liked before it rots to the ground. I think it would have been pretty, but in this area, who cares for such silly sentiments? I took photos then headed for Chinatown.

An old building I've been admiring

I've always been meaning to see Chinatown. A couple of friends and I once tried to take a trip there. Walked through a couple of streets and found ourselves right back where we started. We didn't really see anything, hehehe.

Lion at the gates

I was amazed that the place feels insulated from the rest of the city. Ads in Chinese with celebrities I've never heard of before. I even saw a guy loading boxes of goods into a grocery store. I took a peek and one box contained what looked like Nissin's Ramen- in Chinese! Even their McDonald's looks like it's from another country:

Sadly, the only thing that seems to stay the same wherever you go is poverty.

Streetkids at the Plaza

Virlanie Foundation doing some activity with streetchildren

One of the places I wanted to go to in Chinatown is the Binondo Church. The facade is pretty but the interior is fairly new. Not surprising because according to Wikipedia it's been bombed a few times. I was a little disappointed at the slabs on the entrance floor. According to tourist guide on a tv show a few years back, these slabs came from tombstones. I was disappointed because the markings on the slabs are pretty worn you can hardly make out anything written on it. Overall, I was still happy I saw it up close.

Binondo Church

Went to the popular hopia and pasalubong shop Eng Bee Tin.

Eng Bee Tin: Hopia Central

This isn't the only Eng Bee Tin shop in Chinatown. Like how many hopias do you need to buy?

Hopia? Hopia.

The Korean Wave: The Force is strong in this one

I'm impressed at the number and variety of shops I've seen as I walked the streets. The economy is clearly thriving and if for some reason (like a zombie apocalypse) they shut themselves off from the rest of the city they have everything they need to survive. From food to clothing, to electronics, to fancy chandeliers. Because who says you can't spend your last days in style?

But being this insulated, I did sometimes think that maybe I was an unwelcome outsider. At one point, I was hungry and found myself in front of a small cafe. I was going to walk in when I took a glance at the menu from the window and found that everything was in Chinese! I decided to go hungry instead.

Carriedo Fountain

The Sta. Cruz Church.

Sta. Cruz Church

Another cute old building. It says, "Monte de Piedad Savings Bank 1880". I wish there was a way to figure out how old these buildings actually are.

Monte de Piedad Savings Bank

Since I was already there, might as well ogle more old buildings in the area. I took a little walk down Escolta. Manila used to be the center of commerce in the days of old and Escolta was very popular then. Hardly any activity here but I liked looking at the buildings so I was fairly entertained.

Escolta Street

Regina Building

My grumbling stomach was telling me to have another look at the food shops along the street before I end up with a stomachache but this tongue-twisting one gave me a headache and a laugh instead.

Ha- Ha- Ano daw?

How to Ride a Jeepney

I was out yesterday to get something photocopied.  I ended up waiting for about an hour to get home.

It rained hard for a bit and when the rain let up people just stood at the road eager to be the first to board whatever jeepney passed.  For a long time, I've avoided going out in bad weather if I could help it. I've experienced a lot of bad weather in my schooldays that I'm firmly against getting my feet wet when I'm out.

The downside to not getting out often in bad weather, or getting out in general, is that I've forgotten some fairly important Jeepney Riding Skills like spotting a potential ride, snagging a spot at the entrance or jumping on a moving vehicle.  I've gotten a crash course in the time that I was there:

Lesson 1: When attempting to ride a jeepney with a horde of other people, don't position yourself at the side of the entrance.  The structure of the jeepney at the side of the entrance will prevent you from gaining foot hold.  A position at the center is more likely to help you gain entry.  Side entry is a technique best suited for the MRT/LRT.

Lesson 2: Sometimes you can't get a dead center position especially when people are alighting the jeepney.  The best position in this case is either southwest or southeast.

Lesson 3. Choose where to stand. If there are people attempting to get on the jeepney in front of you, choose to stand behind a female.  Some guys will act as a gentleman and let the female beside him enter first thereby blocking your path until the line of females beside him ends. Choosing to stand behind a female will more likely gain you entry as females are incredibly aggressive and unapologetic to who they shove until they get in.

Lesson 4: If the people in front of you are all males, you'll either never get in or get lucky that a gentleman will notice you and let you get in first.

Lesson 5: If all the people in front of you are females, it's a free-for-all.

I got lucky.  I got a ride by lesson 3: following a female, and lesson 4: a gentleman who let us girls go in first.  Though our gentleman quickly turned to a psycho as soon as every space on the jeepney was taken.

A jeepney stops and people ran for it like vultures. I was behind a woman and as people closed in on the jeepney some guy at the entrance raised his palm to us to stop- and we stopped dead on our tracks.  Then he starts counting the people getting off one by one: 1, 2, 3...8.  Then he turns to us and says that the women get on first, and starts counting us one by one.  I was 3. And we were like cattle. 

As he was letting us in the conductor started telling Psycho to sit down. Psycho kept saying no prompting the conductor to tell him to sit down so that other people can get it because Psycho was blocking the entrance. At this point every space was taken and Psycho was understandably irked because he and his friend passed up the chance to get a seat so that others could sit leaving them standing there in the doorway getting soaked.  He pointed this out to the conductor slightly emphasizing that it was because of them that people got seated, which was a bit inaccurate because they're only worth two seats. Most of the people that got in would've gotten in anyway even if they haven't helped.

The conductor gets offended and words are exchanged.  Psycho insists he did the conductor and the driver a service by letting people in saying 'Ask them! They're my witnesses!' making hand gestures at us. And every one of us sat there like reprimanded little children! And I think we're all thinking the same thing: As much as I am happy and grateful that he let us in, please don't drag us into this.

Conductor then tells Psycho to get off.  As is everywhere else in Philippines (IMSBO: In My Scientifically Baseless Opinion), refusal of service invariably makes the customer more defiant, vindictive and generally more adamant to get the service.  Naturally, Psycho refuses to get off threatening the conductor with, "LTO ako! Tatanggalan kita ng lisensya!"  And actually commanding the driver to move forward, "Sige, i-takbo mo! I-takbo mo!"

Conductor didn't initially believe him, even mocked him, but I think he did wonder if Psycho was telling the truth.  He stopped talking but Psycho didn't.  For fifteen glorious minutes of that ride, Psycho unleashed a barrage of P*@#%$#, T%#$#$, and G$@#, along with these nice little ramblings:

Hindi mo alam ang pinagdaanan ko! Hindi mo alam yung hirap na pinagdaanan ko! Tapos ginaganyan mo ko!!

Wow, kuya. May pinaghuhugutan? Personal?

Si P-Noy! Nagpunta sa Pasig!  Nakipagkita kay Shalani!

Shumo-showbiz ka kuya. Wag na silang intrigahin. May kanya-kanyang lovelife na sila.

Sa news, puro na lang Marikina!  Paano na lang kaming taga-Pasig?  

I think after a while he noticed that people were quiet. He then apologized and tried to explain himself:

Pasensiya na kayo ha. Kaya ko ginagawa ito dahil ang gusto ko lang e makauwi yung mga taga-Pasig.

Shit. I'm not from Pasig!

I was half imagining him freaking out when I get off at my stop, miles and miles away from Pasig when he resumed insulting the conductor, threatening to 'teach him a lesson' when they reach Pasig.

Psycho's friend had been trying to persuade him to stop this whole.  After the conductor refused to accept their fare the friend tried to persuade Psycho to get off.  When they finally did get off Psycho made a point of yelling out the jeepney's plate number followed by another threat, "Wag ka nang bibiyahe bukas!"

And people began to breathe again.